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Random Thoughts

A Birthday Wish On Your Facebook WALL. Is There Anything More Meaningless?

18/4/2012

8 Comments

 
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I’ve been wanting to tackle this issue for quite a while now. If you look at my Facebook "Info” page you will notice that there is one key piece of data missing that everyone else seems to have displayed: my birthday!

There’s a special reason for this. In addition to thinking that it’s not very relevant to anything, I also abhor the idea of people saying ‘happy birthday’ to me on my wall. I’m not going to pretend that I have never done this myself but I think it’s firstly, lazy and secondly, so low effort that it means almost nothing to the recipient.
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When you see birthday messages on your wall from 100s of people do you sit there thinking, “Aren’t I popular, look at me, I’m a person of the people, loved by many…” You really shouldn’t; those message are very low delta. People write them almost on autopilot: rapidly drafted without the writer even thinking that it is YOUR birthday. They probably write exactly the same thing for other people. They might even have a message they just copy and paste from one wall to the next!

Furthermore, wishing someone happy birthday on their Facebook wall can’t be used as a means of ‘showing off’ that you remembered their birthday because the fact is, you did not. Facebook alerted you to the event and you took out 15 seconds from your precious day to write on the person’s wall.

If I care about and appreciate someone and assuming I haven't forgotten(!), I will make contact with them via the email, text, telephone or the Facebook INBOX. I will let them know what I wish for them on this special day and I’ll find out what they have planned for the day. If I write on your wall and you haven’t also received a message via one of the aforementioned platforms, I am probably not that into you. This probably applies to all the other folk that wrote on your wall.

Let’s think about this in a real life context 
Assume you live in a little village where a birthday-board is put outside people’s doors on their birthdays. Would you just walk past and scream happy birthday across the fence? I assume you wouldn’t. 

You would probably enter the front lawn (their personal space) for a short while have a quick chat then be on your way. You might even give the birthday guy or gal a small gift – a fresh banana or peach from your land, a handmade card or simply a pleasant wish.

The Facebook inbox or email inbox is such an intimate place. If you are going to send someone a personal wish you have to think a little about it. It’s less transient and that is exactly why most people don’t do it.

This year, I am going to do something different. I will put my birthday up on Facbook a week before my birthday and simultaneously disable my wall. I would really like to see how many people take that perilous journey to my inbox. Why don’t you try the same, if I get even 10 messages, I would rate that as doing very well and I will respond to each message in turn: a personal message deserves that respect.

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8 Comments
TKP
8/8/2016 11:20:24 am

Hahahahhahaahahahhahahaha! You are so funny Heather.. I was laughing most of the way through this.

Reply
MS B
8/8/2016 11:21:02 am

ha ha. nuthing on FB is worth getting excited over really, 1000 frends n still noone to call on a weekend etc. uve just brought up one mor facet of how fake it all can be.. but to be fair mayb w just being FB snobs.. i personally try my best to make the bday messages on peoples wall as personal as i can get - after all most of my FB contacts are actual friends, i rarely inbox cos i usually associate fb inbox with stuff people want to hide.. mabodza etc. hv nuthng to hide in a bday msg so i post on the wall.but indeed those closest to me get way more attentioon of the surprise party,phonecall,bday cake variety..

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Heather KW
8/8/2016 11:21:55 am

@ Ms B, @TKP

I think my mentality about it could have something to do with my age. I remember even in the KA days I used to get cards from people in my class. When was the last time you even got a card for someone that wasn't blood related?!!

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Anadzo
8/8/2016 11:22:20 am

Interesting and I know quite a few people share the same opinion. my sister might even be one of them. I however beg to differ, because if it was my birthday and not even one person wrote on my wall to say happy birthday? I'd be upset. Therefore it matters to me. Even though it's easy and effortless - I still would be upset because it means something to me. I say happy birthday to nearly everyone on their wall- (nearly) being if I don't think that it would make a difference to that person whether i said it or not, I probably won't write it. My friends get an extra text just incase they didn't want to go phishing for names on their wall. Interesting though I enjoyed reading your blog!

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Chipi K
8/8/2016 11:22:49 am

THOUGHT PROVOKING, NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT IT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE...

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Martha CV
8/8/2016 11:23:17 am

I get what you're saying, but I guess I'm at that age where birthdays aren't that important to me anymore:-). Having said that, I do agree with you that getting snail mail beats digital any day. It makes one feel honored, whether it be a birthday card, wedding invite, birthday etc.

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Christina
8/8/2016 11:23:57 am

I haven't been able to wish anyone a happy birthday on their FB wall since I read this. I've been sending people personal emails when I get the FB reminder. This makes perfect sense, so thanks for bringing it to my attention how impersonal this actually is.

Reply
Heather KW
8/8/2016 11:24:32 am

Hahaha. I fully expected to be ignored so I'm glad to hear you took a step back Christina. Personal messages will always be special.

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